Tun, aa ki kitta?

This article was prepared on paper in the year 2009, sometime after May. But I could not manage typing it then & hence it was not published on this blog. But today, thankfully due to some public demand, I am able to present it here for The sincere reader.


Main kade socheya ni si,
Menu tain sochi paaya.

Main kade boleya ni si,
Menu tain bolan laaya.

Main kade kuch different khaanda ni si,
Menu tain khaan da chaj sikhaya (remember the tasteless soup?).

Main kade bela ghumda ni si,
Menu tain ghuman-gheriyan che paaya.

Main kade style ni si maarda,
Menu tain dressing sense waare sikhaya.

Main top ni si karda,
Menu tain topper vi banaya.

Main kade kise naal fazul gal ni si karda,
Aah wekh, menu tain likhan laata.

Main kade kise nu SMS ni si karda,
Tain mera inbox hi bharta.

Tun ki kitta mere layi,
Shayad tenu ehsaas nahi.

I have no shame in saying it but tain menu banda banaata.

Maneya ke main apne end te bahut kuj te ni kitta,
Sahi waqt da intezaar karda reha,
Par haan, man hi man che ik wadiya jeha ghar zarur bana leya si, jo tenu kade disya hi nahi.

Main darda si ke is faqir di jholi che jo ik heera aake dig peya hai oh kite kho na jaave.

Par, menu ki pata si ke jis ghar diyaan neehan (walls) nu main saja reha si, udi chatt te main paayi hi nahi.

Tain inna anna karta si ke kade chatt paan di lod hi mehsoos na hoyi (taken for granted).

Par, jhatka bada lageya jadon use chatt waali khaali thaan ton oh heera aape hi bhudak ke bahar chala geya, te main neehan hi bharda reh geya.
Tun, aa ki kitta?

Pata vi ni chaleya ke main sahi si ya galat,
Par experience te ehi kenda hai ke kachi neehan te chatt kade bauta der tikdi nahi; bhaaven oh tuhaade favourite tank de armour wargi majboot hi kyun na hove.

Mere ghar da future te aan waala time hi dassega,
Par chatt de bhaar thalle kite dab na jaayo Madam.

Jithe inna kuch tain sikhaaya menu,
Aa last waala judaai da lesson na vi sikhaandi te chalna si,
Par shayad ishq di padhayi ide wagair adhuri hi hundi hai,
Naale fer eh pata vi kiven chalu ke mere supne de ghar diyaan neehan di majbooti zaada hai ya teri chuni hoyi chatt di?

Mera Dil hi Jaanta hai........

This article was prepared on paper in the year 2011. But I could not manage typing it then & hence it was not published on this blog. Basically, this was written when I reluctantly returned back to HPU after deferring the job offers at Tech Mahindra & TCS. I had not applied for M.Tech there in the year 2010 just because I had started hating that place badly after 2009. An year was wasted. But I had no other option than returning back in the year 2011 as a Guest Faculty.


Jab un raahon se ab gujarta hun,
Mera Dil hi jaanta hai, kaisa mehsoos karta hun.

Jahan kabhi khud ko hi luta aaya tha main,
Aaj wahin par apna wajood talaash karta hun.

Jin raaston pe kabhi zindagi ka matlab seekha tha,
Aaj wahin ki dhool, dil ko dard pahunchati hai.

Jis jagah ne mujhe mujhse hi cheen liya,
Mera Dil hi jaanta hai, aaj wahan jaane se uspar kya gujarti hai.

Ye Jahaan samajhta hai ke main bahut khush hun,
Us anjaan ko kaise samajhaun apni is muskurahat ka raaz.

Jis jagah ka naam main nakshe se mita dena chahta tha (HPU),
Aaj wahin pahunchne ke liye jab bus ki raah dekhta hun,
Mera Dil hi jaanta hai, kaisa mehsoos karta hun.

Kuch jaane-pehchaane chehre jab mera ye badla roop dekhte hain,
Mera Dil hi jaanta hai, kaisa mehsoos karta hun.

Kadam na chahte hue bhi jab un raston pe badhte hain,
Mera Dil hi jaanta hai, kaisa mehsoos karta hun.

Maana ke mere padhaaye hue aaj bahut bade ban gaye hain,
Maana ke ab hum unke layak nahin,
Par jab ab auron ko majboori mein padhaana padta hai,
Keval mera Dil hi jaanta hai, kaisa mehsoos karta hun.

Jin kamron ke bahar baithkar saara-saara din gujarta tha,
Aaj unke andar jakar padhaata hun (ICDEOL),
Par jab bhi nazar bahar un sidiyon par padti hai (Hostel wali),
Mera Dil hi jaanta hai, kaisa mehsoos karta hun.

Hazaron nazren mujhse sawaal karti hain,
Ab unhe kaise samjhaun apni is haalat ka kaaran.

Aaj log mujhe apna guide banane ko taraste hain,
Ab unhe kaise samjhaun ke main kisi ko kya guide karunga,
Mera to apna Guide hi mujhe majhdaar chodkar kahin kho gaya hai.

Ab na to kisi aur ki aas baaki hai,
Na jeene ki hi aas baaki hai,
Bas Mera Dil hi jaanta hai us par kya guzar rahi hai.

Teri Rooh Jaane...........

This article was prepared on paper in the year 2009, sometime after May. But I could not manage typing it then & hence it was not published on this blog. But today, thankfully due to some mysterious change of events & public demand, I am able to present it here for The sincere reader.

Hoye asi haan kangaal te ki hoya,
Khateya Tun wi ki hai - Eh taan Teri rooh jaane

Hoye asi haan badnaam te ki hoya,
Kide karke hoye haan - Eh taan Teri rooh jaane

Hun bhul gayi saanu te ki hoya,
Keete si jo waade naal - Oh taan Teri rooh jaane

Hun bhaaven wekh ke Tusi bolde nahi,
Baanh fadh jediyaan katiyaan si shaaman - Oh taan Teri rooh jaane

FaceBOOK te vi bhaaven hun face naiyo karde,
Naal beh ke si jo padiyaan kitaaban - Oh taan Teri rooh jaane

Tain khaade hon ge bhaaven kayi pakwaan,
Jo swaad maah choleyaan da si Chandni View che - Oh taan Teri rooh jaane

Kaanon suniyaan hon giyaan bhaveen lakhaan galaan,
Jo meri akhaan cho padiyaan - Oh taan Teri rooh jaane

Suit taan bhaaven fer vi paaye hon ge kayi,
Par udon chocolate khaan da maza jo si - Oh taan Teri rooh jaane

Hass ke te Tu palla mera chadd ta,
Ki kho leya hai Tu - Eh taan Teri rooh jaane

Maneya ke bada kuch jitt leya hai Tu,
Par ki haareya hai - Eh taan Teri rooh jaane

Mannataan te hor vi mangiyaan hon giyaan kayi,
Par jehde banne si dhaage Kaamna Devi - Oh taan Teri rooh jaane

Rakhe taan hor vi honge kayi,
Par jehde rakhe si main naal - Oh vrat taan Teri rooh jaane

Aayiyan te hor vi hon giyaan kayi,
Par jedi 2 katthiyan missed calls da intezaar si - Oh taan Teri rooh jaane

Eh taan gila hovega ke main mileya nahi,
Na hi fer kade gal kitti,
Par ki si meri is harkat da raaz - Eh taan Teri rooh jaane

Hun inha gallan nu padh bhaaven haasa aanda hovega Tenu,
Par jo hai ida matlab - Oh taan Teri rooh jaane

Friday, the 13th of July 2012

It was a usual Friday morning. Got up at about 7:30am. Mummy had to goto Hoshiarpur to meet Naani who had come there to attend some ceremony. So Papa were supposed to drop her at ISBT. The bus was scheduled to depart at around 8:30.

We dropped the idea to go by car fearing delay in traffic jam, so both were ready to use our all time favorite scooter for the journey. They went at 7:50 and I, like always started waiting for Papa to arrive. Called at 8:20 to know that bus was on time and he was returning home. As he arrived, got fresh, we had our breakfast. Mummy had prepared the dal wala parantha- which nobody liked much. He got ready quickly while I was doing the utensils.

We both were planning to goto our new project site location-our new home (flat) undergoing wooden work. The carpenter-our dear Shah Nawaz Khan had called in for the cabinet handles in the drawing room which was almost the last task left (almost because constructing a house or a website is basically a never ending process). We decided to dismantle a very old wooden almira and use its phattas in the new bedrooms. I started with it.

As it was quite time consuming, Papa thought of delivering the handles in the mean time. Earlier our plan was to take those phattas together with us by car. But as usual, Papa were to quick to be stopped. 'Main aa gaya hune, fer kad de haan gaddi' was the reply. I kept on convincing 'O yaar khadlo, chal padte hain abhi'. But kithe ji? I was just able to hand my phone to him as he gave his own to Mummy in the morning. It was around 11:15am.

I completed the work, cleaned everything, piled up the phattas outside in the verandah by 12:30 and started waiting for him to arrive. I was watching TV when a person started banging the door of our next door neighbor at 1:20. I was annoyed a bit thinking some children might be playing. I went out to find a gas cylinder wala Khan saying-'Scooter wala gir gaya upar, jaldi chal'.

I gathered my senses in a while, took care keys immediately, wore my jeans, picked up cash lying on the TV kept for carpenter, bolted the door and ran.

Just outside Dr.Suman Trehan's clinic, he was lying down, the scooter being about 8 feet away. There was a lot of blood. My heart was trembling when I saw some blood oozing out of his left ear. He was confused when I saw him. Papa felt a sigh of relief seeing me. I made him sit on a near staircase. He wished to come home but I convinced to visit the hospital first. He handed over phone and cash in his shirt pocket to me.

I ran to bring the car parked at Strawberry Hills while two Khans were supporting him as he himself walked upto Boundary estate. As I brought the car, I saw an ambulance already there which was called for some other patient. As they knew us well, offered to take the ambulance as they'll call another one for themselves. I just threw car keys at Medicos shop and took the ambulance to IGMC.

Called my Chacha, then a Block Medical Officer who was luckily at HIPA for some training. We reached IGMC at 1:35. Papa were walking all through. Doctor was our neighbor so not many hassles. Got 3 stitches on forehead in the minor OT. I made him sip some water. Chacha too arrived, had some normal conversation. ENT people were predicting some damage to the eardrum as a reason for blood in the ear.

Doctors were finding him ok to take home but Chacha insisted on getting a CT done. Only at that time were Papa put on a trolley. CT was done, Papa were even worried whether I had picked up the shoes or not as it was a pair he had bought just a week back for me which he was wearing that day. Then we got to the Neurology department on a higher floor while Chacha was still discussing the CT inside. The lift was not working. The was no senior doctor present. The HoD was busy in PMT counseling.

An intern was there who was more interested in filling up useless case history form instead of undertaking immediate treatment as by that time Papa's breath was getting heavy. Chacha wasn't there and I was crying on phone for him to reach there ASAP. I was making Papa divert attention by my usual style 'Shah Niwaz mila tha Papa?' And he said 'Sab khatam ho gaya'.

I kept saying 'Nahi Papa sab theek ho jaana, kuch ni hua'. He hugged me as tightly as he could. Chacha arrived with a doctor, we took him inside the ward. The corner bed number 37 was assigned to him. He was given oxygen. We were holding each other tightly. Was trying to speak but not much was understandable. They were getting the OT ready. Doctors had located a 2ml blood clot near the brain. I guess he was undergoing an anaphylactic shock. It was horrifying.

I bought some medicines but could not stay in the room. His hair were cut and was being taken to the OT. I just sat blank on the floor outside. It was at that time Chacha asked 'Bhabhi nu dasta?' And I just handed over the mobile to him. Mummy was just outside the house where she was supposed to reach. She just took the same rickshaw back to the bus stand as it was time for the last bus to Hoshiarpur from that village.

I also received a phone call from Moudgil uncle. He was expecting Papa to pick up the phone as they were supposed to meet in the afternoon. He too arrived in a while. By 3:50 Papa was inside the OT. I heard Pappu Chacha call Babbu Chacha in Delhi that Kuku has had a fatal fall. The word fatal was hard to hear.

By 8pm a doctor came out of the OT with a tray full of blood. It was 750ml that they had drained from the brain. I just asked - 'Theek to hain na?' And his reply was 'Aise case difficult hote hain. Blood has been drained on time, rest wait and watch.' They shifted him soon to the ICU. Thanks to the VVIP treatment and a ventilator being offered to us which is often easily denied to many.

By around 10:30pm Mummy had reached alongwith Chachi & Aman who joined her at Chandigarh. My brother also reached from Rohru. And we were just left hugging each other.
A sigh of relief that not much delay was caused. The next wait started for the effect of anesthesia to get over.

July 14:
Papa were still not fully conscious. We thought it to be effect of anesthesia. By afternoon, doctors were quite satisfied. Motor response was there. Though the ventilator was on, the dosage Norad and Dopamine was low, even the oxygen supply was under 40%. Continuous blood tests went on but still not conscious.

July 15:
Friends at PGI were consulted by Chacha telephonically. They too were satisfied with treatment at IGMC and said no need to shift till in ICU.

July 16:
Doctors from cardiology department attended in the morning to rule any heart related problem. A new term called Edema was brought to light. The blood collected had caused swelling inside the brain which was not letting brain to awake properly. So the next wait started to let the Edema subside. By afternoon, we carried Papa outside the ICU on our own risk for a CT scan to rule out any further internal bleeding which was OK. All through this, he was breathing on his own.

July 17:
The dosage of Norad and Dopamine was still on to maintain the blood pressure but still no consciousness. We were getting anxious. PGI people informed that one of their best MS in Neurosurgery has joined IGMC just a day back. We quickly got hold of him through phone and somehow managed to bring him from Junga by evening. After all his patient checkup, he was convinced about Edema and made slight changes in the medication. Though a fear was highlighted that the edema should not obstruct the spinal cord near the neck. Edema should have subsided according to him by 3-4 days. We had no option but to wait and watch. By evening, the nurse called 'Bed No.6- please get some hand towels and water to sponge the patient'. We just ran to bring all things hoping to see him opening eyes which were just partially open. He responded when Mummy touched his hand by folding his palm a bit. Body motor response was OK in medical terms which were good signs of improvement.

July 18:
Another similar CT scan in the early morning followed by an Ultrasound to rule out any other internal injury but was OK. The sight of him in OT dress for ultrasound while me holding the drip was just unbearable. I could not see my father in pain, not responding to my voices. Doctors were doubting some renal trouble. Some blood tests were recommended other that the usual ones which were to be carried out through a private agency. A urine sample was also needed which could be managed only through giving steroids. I know my driving speed all through these journeys. We managed to rush the samples there on time. One time sample was not enough. So the nurse gave another shot of steroid which I don't think was desired. The time was 2:15pm. At about 4:30, team of doctors rushed into the ICU No 6. We all were looking from outside. The scene was terrible. Doctors giving shocks to Papa and he was rising up and down. Everything stopped at that moment. He just had a cardiac arrest. We were in tears, hugging and praying. The BP started fluctuating again, they could revive him.

The sight was frightening. The process continued. The night was hard to pass. We all were outside the ICU. Praying to all the Gods we could remember. I had already surrendered everything - Bhagwan kuch ni chahiye life me kabhi bhi, bas aaj dekhle. But He had no sympathy. At about 12:50am, Aman went to see the vitals. Returned crying to wake up Chacha lying on the rack in the corridor. It also started raining out of nowhere for sometime. That was it.

He had left us about half a hour earlier. Even something called God ceased to exist for me. 2012 actually turned out to be end of the world for us.

I had lost my best friend, philosopher, guide; a sine qua non for my existence !

But tension nhi leni Papa. I am desperate to meet you.

[People used to call me my father's PA. I know sarna ni mere bagair Jada der.]





Some Related Events:

All the bills of the hardware shop were cleared on 12 July in cash.

Matrimonial advertisement for my brother was also submitted to the Tribune office on 12th evening. The ad got published in July 14th edition. But nobody of us has ever seen.

I was with him while clearing the bills for medical shop & our milk vendor just a couple of days back. Didn't realize that I'll be dealing with all such things next time independently.

Got a sum of Rs. 35000 cash from the almirha. The exact pending fee for my M.Tech.

We had attended my cousins marriage at Chandigarh on 8 July. Had the night stay at Ropar. Papa wished & we ate gol gappas at one of the best locations of Chandigarh. This was not usual.

On our way back, we had Chocobars at Jabli. This again was not usual.